Gathering your People: a personal ritual for connecting with your trans-generational family system

I’d like to share some of the extended work that can be done around attending actual family constellations sessions or workshops that can assist in trans-generational healing and finding a place of connection and belonging with the people of your family soul.

This particular process of “Gathering your People” can bring you a variety of benefits in all shapes and sizes, sometimes not completely comfortable at first, but ultimately you will find experiences of connectedness, integration, wholeness and belonging when you focus purely on the task at hand and stay present, deeply aware of your body, and mindful of the subtle moments and synchronicity that unfolds in your life.

What you will need is:
– A small table or shelf – not in your bedroom. At the height that you can sit on the floor and look at it.
– A cloth, scarf of something to drape over or on the table
– Photographs (as you manage to collect or find them) at first of your parents, you grandparents and great-grandparents. You can hang the photographs on the wall or place them like a family tree: with your mother and father next to each other. Mom on the left, dad on the right, and then their parents behind them also female on left, and male on right. If no photograph is available you could use a stone, or a significant symbol or image in them meantime.
– A candle
– Any objects or heirlooms that connect you to your family or have special significance for you.
– You may like to include a photo of you as a small child right at the apex of the streaming of the two ancestral lines.

You can take your time to build this place. Starting small and with what you have, and then adding on as you go. Whenever you visit, sit for a while, and listen to what is happening inside of you, what is happening in your body. Is there someone that you are specifically drawn to? Or is there someone that is difficult to face? What do you know about this person’s life: where were they born? What happened to their parents? How was it for them growing up? What characteristics may I have that are similar to them? Or what strengths did they have that I would like to inherit? Just start with connecting and looking – acknowledging them as parents, grand-parents, great-grandparents. Just the facts. You are not here to tell them what they did wrong or to judge their lives. Just to say hello and pay respects. You do not need to push anything. Try to just be with it as it is and allow what is happening to be there too. Take time to notice what emerges inside of you.

Perhaps you become a little more curious to find out more about a particular person and do some genealogical research. Perhaps it is just enough to see and be with the people with who you share 50/50% genetics (parents), or 25% (grandparents), or 12,5% (great-grandparents). And not only the genetics, but the epigenetics – the memory of what happened in their lives is still alive inside of you. Also acknowledging the family soul, the knowing field that connects you beyond space and time, beyond what happened or did not happen. Acknowledging the basic facts, the things that cannot be changed, can bring revelation, healing and freedom.

Perhaps you decide to keep this place were you have “Gathered your People” , and make it a more permanent feature in your home. You could add other people to the picture – aunties, great uncles, children that were lost, or died early. Going slowly, one by one, and checking in again with yourself, how is this in my body, what happens with me when this person is included.

Take note of moments of wanting to exclude. Gathering is a process of inclusion – all the good, the bad and the ugly parts belong too. This can be extremely painful and needn’t be suffered alone. This is a part where family constellation, a trusting therapeutic process and soul work can also support you.

When you have opened the door to your ancestors, turning back to a limited view of yourself is usually not possible. Your picture of yourself is expanded and your identity has grown. You may have started to realise that yours is not the only voice that leads you on your path in life and directs all your decisions. Coming clearer to who our ancestors where and what happened in their lives, can however make our own voice much stronger, our decisions supported by the wisdom of generations, and a huge sense of freedom develops when we allow ourselves to receive the blessings and support that are available rather than focusing and staying tangled on what was not.

I wish you many blessings and wonderful adventures as you gather your people and create this special place for communing with them and being present to yourself and what is emerging.

4 Responses to Gathering your People: a personal ritual for connecting with your trans-generational family system

  1. Debbie February 18, 2016 at 2:29 pm #

    Thanx for these ideas to further my journey of acknowledging and honouring my family system and family soul

  2. Aleksandra October 2, 2016 at 1:51 pm #

    Thank you for this ritual. Why is it not advisable to have such a place in ones bedroom?

  3. admin October 3, 2016 at 3:10 pm #

    Thanks Aleksandra for your comment and question. In some cultures it is considered mindful not to have intimate relations in front of children or in front of parents or ancestors. It is a kind of observance or respect for the ancestors to keep certain thing private so they do not watch on. Perhaps the bathroom is not the best place either. Near the fireplace is often recommended, or in a personal study or living area. I think you can trust your body and your heart to lead you to the right place in your home.

  4. admin October 3, 2016 at 3:10 pm #

    Thanks Aleksandra for your comment and question. In some cultures it is considered mindful not to have intimate relations in front of children or in front of parents or ancestors. It is a kind of observance or respect for the ancestors to keep certain things private so they do not watch on. Perhaps the bathroom is not the best place either. Near the fireplace is often recommended, or in a personal study or living area. I think you can trust your body and your heart to lead you to the right place in your home.

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