tanjameyburgh.co.za

the art of presence

tanja — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 17:24:11 +0000

I’ve been wondering what our relationships, our families and the world would be like if we lived our lives truly present in the current moment. Martial artists and spiritual sages have been teaching the concept of “presence” as the path to enlightenment for thousands of years. When we experience “presence” we experience clarity, relaxation and personal strength – we may even glimpse moments of feeling “in exactly the right place at the right time”. We become better listeners, truer to our own voice, and able to respond to stress or attack while still staying centered and focused. Picture the martial artist who remains rooted and upright as the Ninja attacks, and imagine being able to deal with life’s blows with such dignity and elegance. But why is it so difficult to be present right here right now?

I would say that the reason is two-fold: Firstly, western individualism and fear of survival of future generations ensures that we keep focusing more on the future than on the present. And secondly, past traumas (both our own and those passed from previous generations) are often stored on a cellular level and keep us frozen, locked in or attached to past people and events.

No matter how hard we try to move beyond our past experiences mentally, they remain written in our bodies, often keeping us frozen in perpetuating the patterns of the past. So we find ourselves torn between past and future, and forgetting the roses, the colors, the simple pleasure of feeling the sand in our toes and the wind on our cheek – we are disembodied between the memories and dreams.

Constellations are one way of figuring out what calls us from the past to keep us looking back there. They are also a way of coming in contact with the body and practising, in a safe place, being present despite the family ninjas (from the past). The thing is, that our bodies (with all the stress, symptoms and constriction that have helped them survive then) are often acting as if these ninjas are still present, which they are not. So, when the body comes into “presence”, it knows that it only the here and now that needs to be responded to, and… “aaaaah” it can exhale.

living life towards beauty

admin — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 09:49:36 +0000

Today I find myself in awe of African cosmology, and how my exploration of it is weaving all the loose threads of understanding together that I have accumulated over many years of study and life experience in various fields. The red thread that runs through it all, has to do with “beauty”. “Beauty” could be described as a state of having all things in the right place at the right time. Some may call it “presence” or “being in the flow”. When we live our lives with beauty, we step into the river of life, and open ourselves to a force that holds and supports us, that carries us past the obstacles, that gives us everything that we need to live a life in harmony with other humans, nature, animals and the earth.

What I realised, is that in modern society we tend to complicate things far too much, and we can take a lesson from pre-industrial wisdom here. Simply: do our thoughts, feelings and actions lead us towards beauty, or do they lead us away from it. If we are moving towards beauty we experience less resistance and greater health and well-being. If we are moving away from beauty, we experience obstacles, difficulties, resistances and various symptoms.

In African Cosmology and Family Constellations, we are assisting the client to move towards beauty – come fully present into the moment – untangled from the lives and fates of their pasts, parents and ancestors. There are no truths in this movement towards beauty, there is no good and evil, no right and wrong: only what we can do to restore balance, belonging and order. When these are restored, it is easier to say yes to the life-giving and strengthening experiences that come your way. It is easier to say “yes” to life.

fire the inner-bully

admin — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 11:33:49 +0000

I had an interesting conversation this weekend: The question that arose was: who is leading your inner team? You know those voices going on in your head – that one about needing to be successful at work (“ambition”); the perfect parent (“don’t be like dad/mom”) the voice that wants another cigarette or drink (“give-me-more”); the voice that doesn’t want to socialise (“party-pooper”); and the one that gets you to the gym and drives you on (“gym buddy”). At first you’ll probably only think of one – one very loud one that barks out orders and shoves all the others around. Somehow this one has been put in the lead, and even though his/her leadership style may have something to be desired, the job gets done. The snag however is, that this bossy boots gets in the way of breaking out of old patterns. Things get done, but they get done in the same way – the old way, perhaps even the way it was done by your parents, your grandparents. When wanting to bring new ways of relating, there needs to be a decision to find the leader among the inner voices that can best achieve what we are wanting from life right here, right now. The trick is to privilege that voice, and to get the others to co-operate and resource his/her plan. The first step is recogising who the preferred leader is – perhaps its “the artist” whose voice has been drowned out, perhaps the “decision-maker”. You leader is usually connected to your greatest strengths. Next, fire the bully from the dominant position and get the new leadership to start a new conversation…

don’t say the “V” word

admin — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 12:45:17 +0000

I’m wondering about vulnerability, and what it means to make oneself vulnerable in our reality today. As a house guest I always imagine vulnerability would point out all the faults, make the house look weak and flawed, would leave the window unlatched at night and forget to put on the alarm. He/she would be happy to let anyone in, and point directly at the hosts wounds and say – there, let your words stab her, right there. Yes, this is why the “V” word has become a dirty one – maybe we can blame feminism, or crime, or perhaps traumatic and harsh life experiences. But, what can vulnerability – as a welcome guest – give us? Imagine a house with floor to ceiling windows and light streaming in, a garden where the flower-beds are the boundaries, and you can greet your neighbor as you sit on your open stoep. The rooms are full now: freedom, trust and relationship have arrived. Yes, people can see in and everybody is going to know what you are doing – maybe they won’t even like you – but, imagine living in this community rather than in a prison where nobody can really see you for who you are.