(this article also appears in German in “Praxis der Systemaufstellung”; issue 2, 2010)

Since my first experience of constellations, in the tradition of Bert Hellinger, in 2002, I intuitively knew that something African was at its core. However, beyond the obvious similarity in the placing of the elements to the throwing of the bones by the traditional African healer, and inclusion of the wider circle of ancestors, I had no knowledge of what this meant. I intuited that there was something really important to be discovered in the meeting of Africa and the West in Family Constellation, and this started a long search for very elusive information. This knowledge has now become a key to understanding and ensuring the health and well-being of myself, my clients and the training of facilitators.

Within the Family Constellations framework, it has always made sense to me to honour the African roots, as we honour those that came before us. I was intrigued by how little Hellinger spoke of the African influence on his work, and I wondered why the role it may have played in the development of his thoughts had, in my opinion, been marginalised. A student once said: “ I would think that there is an element of intellectual property that is ignored or not taken into account, thus shielding the role African spiritualism might have impacted on this development” (Ngororo, 2007)

Family Constellations have very clear foundations in African ancestral traditions, but the details are not easy to extract. In conversation with local people about the similarities it is difficult to get answers. At first I thought it is because I am white, and represent a tribe of people who have stolen enough from the African continent. What I came to realise is that this knowledge is that this knowledge is given to people who initiate as traditional African healers. It needs to be respected: it is not given lightly and it is not taken lightly for a reason.

“I experience fear (with family constellations) that I am tampering with something that is very sacred by talking about my ancestors, selling out a secret when in fact ancestors as spirit is a medium that is meant to be out there and need reverence rather than be tampered with.” (Ngororo, 2007)

Furthermore, the very act of writing knowledge down is not one that would have happened in traditional African society – it would have been passed on through songs and stories – and from teacher to initiate – to prevent misunderstanding and abuse from outsiders, and to protect the uninitiated. Knowing this, I am tentative when I put pen to paper, and have found this article particularly difficult to articulate in the written word.

The connections between African Ancestral Healing and Family Constellations

After interviewing the black African facilitator training graduates, the two most obvious connections between Family Constellations and Traditional African beliefs are confirmed. Firstly, the acknowledgement that our ancestors are vital for our wellbeing:

“The Zulu culture has a strong belief in Ancestors “Amadlozi” regarding connecting with them to appease or release or ask for certain things. They are regarded as our guides and are composed of people we know who have left this planet. Constellating an unresolved issue is similar to doing a ceremony, talking to ancestor/s asking for forgiveness or connecting those who have left the planet in conflict” (Zondi-Rees, 2007)

“The belief in ancestors is rooted in the need or desire to preserve the memory of known past generations and known or unknown lineages. The emphasis of acknowledging the excluded is the foundation of the cure for various ailments, like bodily discomfort, spiritual discord or common need to ward off misfortune or a curse that will be seen to be projected by malevolent spirits. The good spirits are acknowledged and given gratitude through ceremonies or cleansing rituals” (Mthembu-Salter, 2005).

Secondly, the use of divination by traditional African healers to receive the messages of the ancestors by “throwing of the bones”. The bones consist of symbols for various family members as well as symbolic elements relating to a person’s life: money, love, power, body organs, life force etc. Once the bones are cast, the healer considers the arrangements carefully, including how the bones are facing, the distance between the bones, configurations or patterns.

“The bones will fall to show the presence of spirits around the sick person, resentful ancestral spirits, offended nature or malevolent spirits. This gives the healer the picture of how the cause of the illness came about and what is needed as a remedy. Therapies can include animal sacrifices, rituals, massage, herbal teas, salves, snuffs, poultices, roots and herbs. African diviners play the role of spiritual leaders of ancient times and are diagnosers of both illness and mental problems.” (Mthembu-Salter, 2005)

“In African therapy the reading of the bones can be used to pinpoint pathology. However, it is more vital to reveal a pattern of affected pathological relationships – and resources. The bones reveal rituals and muthi (medicine) to settle family and ancestral relationships. In the same way, a Family Constellations reveals discomfort and resources within the entire constellation – rather than pathology of the patient. A constellation reveals remedies (“spiritual muthi”): such as bowing or saying certain sentences – which really are small acts of ceremonial ritual – to settle relationships” (de Wet, 2010).

I’m left wondering if the connection between the two has not been fully acknowledged on purpose, as a way of respecting the tradition and sacred African customs. What did Hellinger learn from local spiritual leaders at a time when he was expected to convert them to his own beliefs?

I decided to intensify my research. To gain more insight, I entered the process of supervision and coaching with a white Traditional African healer. I interviewed students joining the Family Constellation training that are undergoing traditional initiation at the same time. I slowly became clearer of other connections between FC and the African traditions of healing:

• Acknowledgement that our ancestors and family are deeply connected to both well-being and disease, and that the relationship is symbiotic and of mutual resource.
• Understanding that the individual is an integral part of his family and ancestral lineage and can never be disconnected from it.
• Alignment in terms of order in the family – who comes first, generational lineage and continuity of the family tree; including taking into account those who could still be causing problems until recognised and acknowledged.
• The importance of the effect of the excluded part or issues in a family and person’s life, whether conscious or unconscious.
• Healing using symbolism.
• The spatial and physical representation of family members and intra-psychic elements of “throwing of the bones” are similar to placing representatives in family constellations.
• Honouring of elders and the hierarchy of parents and children.
• Connecting with the deceased and the rightful place of the dead.
• Collapsing of past, present and future into a time and place set by the ritual / constellation.
• The prescription of rituals and ceremony as homework after the consultation.

Family Constellations as ritual

African traditions have various levels of ritual with accompanying rules and observances for their practice. Family Constellation, in the view of the African ancestral healers that I have consulted, is considered to be a high-level ritual, which means that a lot of “random heat” (energies which can easily attach themselves to vulnerable others and make them and their families ill) is created. They would have strict rules for preparation of the participants and facilitators, as well as for the space that is created around the actual ritual event. This is not done out of fear, but by observing and acknowledging potentially harmful consequences by containing them in relevant structures. It is considered irresponsible to have no knowledge of the different levels of ritual process when doing ancestral and healing work.

My thinking started to turn around: instead of searching only for the Zulu / African knowledge behind Family Constellations, I am now looking more towards what African traditional wisdom can contribute to what we already know in FC. Through this shift, the hidden knowledge starts finding me and has become the source of profound insight in working with my own and clients’ wellbeing.

I believe, much of what has been left out of the traditional Family Constellation field has to do with the boundaries required for safe ritual work, and with the clear structure of training and initiation that is required to do ancestral healing. I am not advocating a move back to larger authoritarian structures, but rather to an honoring of ritual and initiation processes as a means to supporting the health of facilitators and their clients, and including this consciously in workshops and trainings (as many are doing already).

Health of the facilitator, clients and representatives

In African tradition, the rules for ritual, ceremony and ancestral work include speaking with the ancestors by name before the event, dietary observances around the event, sexual abstinence and body cleansing before and after the event, as well as observances around the ritual space such as burning of herbs when spirits of the ancestors are to be invoked. Looking from a western perspective, I would say the function of these rituals is to:
1. Create advance awareness and preparation of the body and mind, and emphasise the importance of self-care before and after the constellation.
2. Consciously connecting to resources for support and strength.
3. Centering the client and creating awareness of the depth of ancestral healing – a threshold experience not to be entered into lightly.
4. Marking the event in time with a clear beginning and ending.
5. Acknowledging the role of body, its boundaries and how to protect it energetically.

When observing these five points (without prescribing the actual ritual observances required by the African traditions) in the way that I enter workshops as a facilitator and in the introduction of the process to participants, I have dramatically improved my own health and energy levels and those of clients following intense workshop experiences.

I include points 1 to 5 above before the workshop through advance application questionnaires and family research guidelines that assist in preparing the client’s thoughts; requirement of advance payment; and calling the ancestral resources through a task such as collecting stones or photographs. During the actual workshop or training, I prepare the space with my ancestors before beginning the day; ritually practice a body awareness and centering exercise with the participants at the beginning and ending of the day that acknowledge the arrival of the body in the workshop space as well as its departure at the end of the day. As closing I use visualizations of leaving behind unwanted elements that may have been taken on during the day; give suggestions for cleansing after the workshop and use African guidelines for “clearing up” afterwards with traditional herbal remedies.

Training of the healer / facilitator

In most African traditions to become an ancestral healer, you have to undergo an intensive training process and initiation. Practices include: connecting daily to all one’s own ancestors by praying to them by name (always on your knees); kneeling whenever addressing those higher in the learning hierarchy and age than you are (the teacher is called mother or father, grandfather or grandmother regardless of age); being put into the position of not knowing what is going to happen next and learning to trust the process as it unfolds.

Considering these and common themes that I have experienced in those starting the facilitator training in South Africa i.e., parentified children, identification with the victim and interrupted reaching out, the position of kneeling as the respectful child makes sense in the healer’s training and initiation processes.

“The training sangoma, or thwasa, remains on his or her knees throughout training – and averts the eyes when talking to people. In spite of the seeming power imbalance of the position, it is a rich and charged space for exploring boundaries of communication and intimacy. It is like getting driving lessons in the spirit world. As the thwasa, accompanied by the guiding ancestor gets street-wise, he/she transforms the order with new levels of intimacy” (De Wet, 2010)

I have observed thwasa’s whose knees are bruised and bleeding or have become hard with calluses. At first I thought this is a strange authoritarian power exerted by the teacher, but with time I have come to realise that this positioning is the primary movement required to facilitate ancestral work. I am reminded that Hellinger was initiated in his own way on his knees into the Catholic Church.

So far I have integrated “kneeling” into the training by:
1) Focus in the foundation stage is on extensively exploring the own family genogram, creating rituals of inclusion for all excluded elements and personal rituals of reverence for one’s own family.
2) A full day is set aside to explore the position of child in relation to parents and ancestors, and to personally practice the “bow”, including the full bow in relation to parents and ancestors and taking a position of humility as child.
3) Initial training is primarily experiential and body-based, working through the discomfort of “not knowing”. Theory and intellectual insight is introduced later.

After all the pondering over the writing of this article, a student on the current training, who recently graduated as a Traditional African healer and has similar African and German ancestry to my own, put it quite simply: “Family Constellations as a system is an outcome of the way the Germanic soul has integrated aspects of African culture” (de Wet, 2010).

From concerning myself with the unacknowledged African knowledge behind constellations, to possible secret knowledge that has to be protected, to starting to identify what could support FC by being re-included in facilitator training, I track a journey of empowerment of the African blood in my own veins. It has been a form of initiation for me. It was only when I placed myself in the position of the child before the African knowledge, and honoured what it had to teach, that it began to reveal itself to me.

Interview references

De Wet, A. (2010). Family Constellation’s roots in Africa. www.africanconstellations.co.za

Mthembu-Salter, L in Meyburgh, T, (2005). www.tanjameyburgh.co.za/articles

Ngororo, L. in Meyburgh, T. (2007). www.tanjameyburgh.co.za/articles

Zondi-Rees, T. in Meyburgh, T. (2007). www.tanjameyburgh.co.za/articles

By Tanja Meyburgh

(This article also appears in “The Knowing Field”, 16 June 2010)

In 2002, I had my first experience of a family constellation circle with Dr. Ursula Franke, organized in South Africa by Beulah Levinson. After many years of searching, I arrived at what was clearly my lifelong calling – a healing modality that to me bridged the divide between my German and African ancestors, and western and African systems of healing. I believed then that it was the answer to bridging the divide between a divided South Africa. Like many who first encounter family constellations, I saw it as the answer to heal the world’s problems, and particularly the way to heal the legacies of Apartheid.

Learning from the European masters

It was not long before I teamed up with two dedicated colleagues, Ursula Franke and Svenja Wachter, to start the first 2-year international training in South Africa. In the founding of the non-profit organisation, the vision (very much in line with my personal vision) was to bring Family Constellations to all communities in South Africa, particularly to include previously disadvantaged and black communities in the training. Six renowned trainers, all committed to our cause, flew in for modules and delivered excellent training rooted in their extensive experience in Europe, USA and Brazil.

Despite many efforts, we never attracted a large number of black participants to either of the first two training cycles, despite much energy and the original founding of our organisation as a non-profit for exactly this intention. Even though training was offered free to these participants, we had a small ratio of non-white trainees, most of whom were quite strongly integrated already into western culture, and often living or working in predominantly white areas. Besides the obvious constraints of language, workshops taking place on weekends, and traveling distance, I began pondering why this was such tough going. The conclusions that I have come to in hindsight, and after interviewing a number of the black students that did enroll were:

- there was a great fear of something that was being brought from Europe as a school of thought – the mistrust of anything being introduced by whites for the possibility of re-colonisation.
- a fear from Christians that the church might disown or frown upon being involved in practices that include ancestors, when this aspect of traditional culture has been banned by the church.
- The presence and honoring of the ancestors is already a part of most black Africans’ daily life and is assisted by consulting the traditional African healer. Constellations could be viewed therefore as not necessarily bringing an added dimension to understanding the self.
- Family constellations would seem to be most attractive to communities of people who have already had a chance to tell their story (eg. therapists and those who have already had access to therapy). In many cases in South Africa, the story still needs to be told and still needs to be heard.
- The levels of unresolved, continuous trauma and re-traumatisation experienced in South Africa due to high crime, HIV deaths and day to day lack of resources – contra-indications in many cases for using constellations.
- Lack of understanding in white trainers and facilitators of sensitive cultural processes and beliefs systems, including the place of the story in African culture.

Through continued experience in both township settings using constellations, private practice and training, I could see that those that were insufficiently resourced could not hold the intense experiences of workshops and training weekends without additional follow-up, mentoring and assistance. The first training was set up only as modules given by trainers flying in for weekends and then out again. Although it was enthusiastically received, some of the aftermath and impact was difficult to contain without the necessary financial resources or skilled support and follow-up. I began to realize that this could be experienced as a form of re-colonisation.

This initial impulse was necessary for the development of the work here and I am very grateful to all that came on our invitation and with everyone’s best intention. However, at the time we did not always have the knowledge or resources here to hold the processes that were initiated, and so my learning has been to ensure that the current training gives more emphasis on developing and ensuring that these resources are in place first.

Personal learning from black African locals

Through the experience gained in my therapeutic work in township settings, I was given an invaluable gift of understanding from the grandmothers (Gogos) of South Africa – some of my greatest teachers. These women are the real pillars that hold the fabric of community life in South Africa together. They have suffered and yet remained in their strength – firstly in living through Apartheid, many losing their husbands and sons to it, and now losing their children to HIV and being left with the raising and education of the young children. As grandmothers, it is a time when traditionally they would be honored for all they have given and they would be taken care of by others.

In the early days of my introduction to Family Constellations, in 2003, I visited a group of women – all traditional African healers – who had been working at length with a white Narraitve therapist telling and re-telling the stories of losing all their sons to an Apartheid police murder. The next step they wanted to make was forgiveness and letting go. We did a constellation in which peace was made between themselves and the perpetrators – each looked deeply into the perpetrator’s eyes, telling them that they understood that they were a part of something much bigger at play in South Africa. It was acknowledged that the perpetrator probably also had sons that they thought they were protecting too. As the participants fell back into their own language, which I did not understand, the entire constellation unfolded spontaneously without any intervention on my part. The perpetrator was re-humanised, and it was beautiful to witness. At the end of the constellation, one mother turned to kneel on the floor in the room and to pray once again for the return of the bones of their sons. Without the bones, in their culture, the sons cannot be buried and cannot enter the realm of the ancestors. To this day, these mothers are still looking for the bones.

There was also a group of Gogos that I worked with in Kayelitscha – a huge sprawling black township of shacks and small square brick houses built on the sands of the cape flats around Cape Town. The intention of this group was to build a knitting workshop where they could generate income in a community environment to help fend for their many orphaned grandchildren. I was invited by them to facilitate family constellations to assist with the personal and physical problems, grief and difficulties that the women were experiencing in getting the business off the ground. I was the first white person that came regularly, without fail, to work with them. The fact that I was there every month and that I cared was almost enough.

We invited students of the training to participate and some were surprised that I only did one constellation in 4 hours. They asked why I let the client tell so much of their story. This day was an important learning moment as I realized that the telling of the story was what was most needed in this context, and that while this was not the norm in Constellation methodology, it was what was closest to home here. It was clear to me while sitting next to the client, an elderly African man, that it was more important that this story be heard by me, for the first time by a white South African, than to do a constellation.

Telling the story to a descendent of the perpetrator and a beneficiary of the atrocities of Apartheid, was the first step. I believe it is a necessary step for being seen and heard when a nation of people have been marginalized and forgotten. This was part of the intention behind the Truth and Reconciliation commission, but there are millions of stories that were not told there and have yet to be heard. Stories about love, loss, family, poverty, rape, murder, sickness, illness, hunger, death and hope. Story-telling is an ancient part of this cultural heritage and we cannot bypass it. In these groups the constellations were generally shorter and more resource focused and the story-telling got longer and deeply healing for all involved.

These Gogo’s taught me that they have the resources for their own healing within their cultural heritage, and the best I can do is heal myself and my own people, so that we can begin to really hear the stories without it uncomfortably touching our own guilt.

Starting at your own back door

In the third training announcement, which is no longer run under a non-profit structure but is still accessible to those who cannot afford, I made no effort to get a diverse group – I let the group find me. We now have local and international trainers and local supervisors stemming from the first training group graduated in 2006.

As a general theme, many in the current training group carried a denial of their cultural perpetrator ancestry – out of guilt, out of fear. We looked into the truth of ourselves as perpetrators and descendents of perpetrators. We explored deep identifications with saving the victim, perpetrators as victims, what has been gained through Apartheid, and what has been lost. I started to see the group spontaneously taking the perpetrators back in their families, back into their hearts, and acknowledging their German, Namibian and Afrikaner roots. Common words heard in South Africa today, from the children of the white Apartheid oppressors are: “We did not do it.” “It was not us.” “Why should we pay for what our parents and grandparents did?” How powerful the words sounded with peace in the heart: “I am an Afrikaner”. I felt my own Afrikaner and German ancestors smiling.

One of my favorite sayings comes from Permaculture philosophy: “Start at your own back door”. I believe that this applies to everything from food gardening to healing to training family constellations facilitators. When we have come to terms with our own perpetrator ancestry and the ill-gotten gain from which we have all benefited as white South Africans, then we can truly serve our clients – both those descending from the victim and those from the perpetrator. We will no longer be driven by a sense of guilt and denial of the perpetrator within us (a sure way to perpetuate the cycle of violence and create dangerous healing professionals).

Until a time when we too have healed our own ancestral wounds as white South Africans, we need to open our ears and listen. To really hear the stories that need to be heard, the voices that have been silenced, and the local knowledge that has been excluded by South Africa’s colonial history. I believe that then constellations will spread like wildfire across the African continent – then they will truly be able to honor and acknowledge the African wisdom that is at their core. It is my belief that constellations were born in Hellinger in Africa, and they will return to Africa through its own people, when the time is right. In the meantime, I will continue to heal, to learn and to teach at my own back door.

By Tanja Meyburgh, 2009

Once upon a time in South Africa: Bert Hellinger in Natal

I’ve often wondered why Bert Hellinger is so shy to talk of his time spent in South Africa, or of the traditional African origins of family constellations. He has never been forthcoming with information about his time spent here and has vowed that he will never return. Why has he left it behind? Why would he not talk about a place where he lived for 16 years? What did he give to this place, and what did he take?

I first experienced constellations in 2002, and went on to train as a facilitator and co-found the first training here. I feel constantly engaged with the mystery of Hellinger’s time here through an ongoing need to honor the origins of my work. I have always felt that family constellations connect me on a deeper level to South Africa and its traditional people and cultures. How strange that I had to travel to Germany to study what feels inherently African.

The connection was obvious to me: the ancestral presence and the placing of the elements in the same way as the bones are thrown by the Sangoma (a traditional African ancestral healer). However, I felt there was something more: something that would shed light on the healing effect of family constellations.

My search for understanding the historical origins in South Africa has taken me from an outer search in the midlands of Kwazulu Natal, to searching in the experience and ideas of the local people, and finally to looking inwards to my own experience and what family constellations means to me. As I slowly weave my thoughts over the past 7 years of working locally as a facilitator and trainer, I am finding a story to tell.

All the information contained in this article is true to by best knowledge, and is based on my own experiences. I have done my best to ask questions and present my findings with respect of Bert Hellinger’s privacy and to honor his legacy. I am aware that I am walking the fine line, and that my personal perspective is forever changing.

On a mission: Christianity and the African Ancestral Tradition meet in the African wilderness

It wasn’t easy to find the actual place. In fact, there were three places over the 16 years. I literally stumbled into one, by following my intuition. Looking at the map & saying – let me start here. The huge red brick building is old and looks strange amongst the rural hills dotted with round mud huts. The place is eerie and dilapidated, but has signs of dedicated labour in a time where resources in the Christian church are few. A skeleton staff remains. I ask myself: what it was all for? What did the missions achieve? What must it have been like to arrive in the wild lands of Africa to save the local people from their “non-religious” ways?

“Sawbona” – “I see you”. I am greeted by a young black priest. He fills me in on their history: Trappist monks arriving in the 1800’s, and later the missions that warned the locals to stay away from their own traditional beliefs in favor of the church. Today, but only since the 80’s, he is proud to report that the missions support all forms of traditional beliefs that “promotes life” and healing. At the same time, every decision must still be passed through Rome, and “Rome takes a long time to decide”. It feels like a part of the past is standing still here. Some advances are evident in the way the priest has decorated his private study: an eclectic mix of Catholic and African iconography, spears and shields, bibles, traditional African cloths, crosses, lions and pictures of the lily white virgin Mary.

Hellinger arrived in South Africa in the conservative 1950’s. I meet two grey-haired European priests who knew him. They don’t say much: “He was a very gifted man”, “A very wise man” says the other. But, I sense there is more that is not said. I hear that Hellinger was “quite in the limelight” in his day and highly thought of by the African priests. He was fluent in Zulu and did all the text translations of the lithurgy, “bringing the faith to the people in their own images and language”. He was responsible for building a church at his rural parish. He was considered a “white raven” – someone out of the ordinary. Someone special.

But not all reports are positive. He was “intolerant of old-fashioned ideas, which caused some difficulties within the hierarchy”. He often spoke the “harsh truth”, “and who is ready to hear the truth about yourselves”, said a sister. There were also harsh words, woundedness, and piercing analysis about the family life from which he came.

I visit the seminary where Hellinger taught. Its inhabited, but feels deserted. Another huge red brick box on the top of the hill in the middle of no-where. Leading down from the looming façade is a little pathway into a magical overgrown garden. There, nestled amongst the African thorn bushes and flaming aloes, stands Mother Mary. Mary in the jungle. There are signs of life, but no-body. Disturbed, I leave again.

Finally, at the secondary school where Hellinger was allegedly principal for a brief period, I find animation – people going about their business. Steve Biko was schooled here during the 60’s – and many other important figures in the black consciousness movement. Did they know Hellinger? I’m excited and brimming with questions: What was his role? When did he become headmaster? Who were his students?

I meet an old friend of his, who finds these questions unimportant, but shares his soul and the deep love of Hellinger as priest and as man. I hear about the strengths and the weaknesses. I get an image of the same split he has around him today – deeply loving and hating of one man at the same time. Honey and poison. Once his confession is over, we sit together on the veranda in the afternoon sun lost in our own thoughts until it is time to leave.

I feel a bit disappointed at the end of my journey that I did not find out more about the Zulu influences and origins from “the source”, but do have a stronger “feeling” for Hellinger the man and controversy surrounding him wherever he goes. I decide I need more information from other sources and interview the African graduates of the facilitator training for clues.

To the horse’s mouth: South African constellation graduates’s thoughts on Family Constellations and Traditional African culture

After talking to the Zulu graduates, the two most obvious connections of Family Constellations to their Traditional African beliefs are confirmed. Firstly, the acknowledgement that our ancestors are vital for our wellbeing:

“The Zulu culture has a strong belief in Ancestors “Amadlozi” regarding connecting with them to appease or release or ask for certain things. They are regarded as our guides and are composed of people we know who have left this planet. Constellating an unresolved issue is similar to doing a ceremony, talking to ancestor/s asking for forgiveness or connecting those who have left the planet in conflict.”

“Africa’s sacred images are mainly ancestor spirits. God is the creator, the spirit force responsible for all life on earth, including the ancestors, but he is too remote to hear the prayers of ordinary mortals. Dead ancestors, being spirits, communicate with God, mediating between him and humanity”

“The belief in ancestors is rooted in the need or desire to preserve the memory of known past generations and known or unknown lineages. The emphasis of acknowledging the excluded is the foundation of the cure for various ailments, like bodily discomfort, spiritual discord or common need to wade off misfortune or a curse that will be seen to be projected by malevolent spirits. The good spirits are acknowledged and given gratitude through ceremonies or cleansing rituals. For example, a person will consult a traditional healer who will facilitate the session of finding a solution or a root cause of the trouble. This is often done through throwing the bones in order to constellate the wider family picture”

The other parallel drawn in the interviews is the use of divination by traditional African healers to receive the messages of the ancestors through “the throwing of the bones”. The bones consist of symbolic elements for various family members as well as symbolic elements relating to a person’s life: money, love, power, body organs, life force etc. Once the bones are cast, the healer considers the arrangements carefully, including how the bones are facing, the distance between the bones, configurations or patterns.

“The bones will fall to show the presence of spirits around the sick person, resentful ancestral spirits, offended nature or malevolent spirits. This gives the healer the picture of how the cause of the illness came about and what is needed as a remedy. Therapies can include animal sacrifices, rituals, massage, herbal teas, salves, snuffs, poultices, roots and herbs. African diviners play the role of spiritual leaders of ancient times and are diagnosers of both illness and mental problems.”

Still after these interviews, I’m left with the feeling that there is a secret – something that I’m not being let in on. Could it be some kind of secret or sacred knowledge that is protected? Perhaps something that is feared to be shared? One of the students confirms this:

“I experience fear (with family constellations) that I am tempering with something that is very sacred by talking about my ancestors, selling out a secret when in fact ancestors as spirit is a medium that is meant to be out there and need reverence than be tempered with. Given the effect of respecting elders, and negative connotation of authority and the unseen, it becomes even more scary to temper with that one cannot touch if one has not done healing work. This could be as a result of superstition that is rife in my cultural upbringing or the influence of Christianity that has tainted the ancestors as something one needs to abolish…”

This same student also considers that sources of the knowledge behind the development of constellations that are not being adequately acknowledged:

“ I would think that there is an element of intellectual property that is ignored or not taken into account thus shielding the role African spiritualism might have impacted on this development”

I’m left wondering if perhaps the connection between the two has not been openly acknowledged on purpose, as a way of respecting the tradition and sacred customs from which it stems. What did Hellinger learn from local spiritual leaders at a time when he was expected to convert them to his own beliefs? Into what knowledge was he initiated? Was he requested to honor the secrets of African tradition?

A personal experience: following the calling of my South African and German ancestors

Before I first encountered family constellations in 2002, I was told that I am called to become a “Sangoma”, a traditional African healer. I had over the years since adolescence been plagued by repeated symptoms of chronic fatigue, heavy arms, and illnesses of unknown origin. In passing conversation someone mentioned that these afflictions could be the work of my ancestors to whom I was “not listening” and I should consult a traditional African healer to hear what my ancestors might want of me.

What followed was a huge conflict – to continue my studies as a psychologist, or to follow the calling to become a Sangoma through a cultural tradition that had very little to do with my own ancestors. When I discovered family constellations however, there was an instant “fit”. I could do ancestral work, but remain true to the experiences and knowledge of both my South African and German ancestors.

What followed was seven years of intense training and working in family constellations, completing psychology qualifications, and an ongoing journey through African bone throwing, ritual and ceremony with my teacher and guide – a white African traditional healer. As I pull these strands together, my understanding of the origin of family constellation work in African culture has been deepened and enriched. I am “hearing my ancestors” through my work and am no longer required to be initiated in the traditional sense. Family constellations has been my initiation and I am healthy now.

I still debate with myself how much the healing effect of Family Constellations is spirit, and how much is science, but what I do know is that, with a skilled facilitator, it works. We can do the research and scientifically validate that it does work, but finding proof of “how” it works – by western or African explanations seems impossible. Perhaps this is the sacred knowledge that remains hidden in traditional initiations and mystery schools. Perhaps this is the protected knowledge that we can only “know” but not speak of or explain. Or perhaps it is access to the part of the soul that what we cannot know for sure, but can feel or intuit when we work with constellations. So, I try to find a simple summary for myself for the state of being that constellation supports and through this state can bring healing. When I remove the Christian religious, the traditional African, and the psychological systems of knowledge and thought, and distill it to the essence I perceive. In the end I am left with:

I am not alone.
I am part of something greater.
I am connected to my source through my ancestors.
I have (seen and unseen) resources that are always available to me.

For many people from individualized and western cultures this is a new discovery when they experience constellations for the first time. Beyond what the constellation can reveal, this is the first step towards healing and a feeling of wholeness. When I personally come to stillness in this place, I feel centered, supported and at peace.

Tanja Meyburgh (2009)

Since my first experience of Family Constellations in 2002, I have been researching, investigating and contemplating what aspects of Hellinger’s work could be seen to have their origins in African culture (not discounting that they are also reflected in other psycho-therapeutic schools which he later studied). I can summarise them as follows:

• Acknowledgement that our ancestors and family are deeply connected to both well-being and disease, and that the relationship is symbiotic and of mutual resource.
• Understanding that the individual is an integral part of his family and ancestral lineage and can never be disconnected from it.
• Alignment in terms of order in the family – who comes first, generational lineage and continuity of the family tree including taking into account those who could still be causing problems until recognized and acknowledged.
• The importance of the effect of the excluded part or issues in a family and person’s life, whether conscious or unconscious.
• Healing using symbolism and connecting with the deceased.

• Spatial and physical representation of family members and intra-psychic elements using the “throwing of the bones” by traditional healers.

• Honoring of elders and the rightful place of the dead.

Now, in May 2010, I can also add to this list:

- collapsing of past, present and future into a time and place set by the ritual / constellation

- the prescription of rituals and ceremony after the consultation (constellation or throwing of the bones) For example:

a) honoring ancestral lineage of both the female and male lines

or

b) inclusion of the excluded and forgotten people or ancestors

or

c) making connection with those that have passed away

This list will be added to and refined as my research continues.

An interview between Tanja Meyburgh and Lindiwe Mthembu-Salter, 2008:

Tanja: How do you experience family constellations within the context of your cultural ancestry?

Lindiwe: For me, the belief in ancestors is rooted in the need or desire to preserve the memory of the known past generations and the known/unknown lineages. The emphasis of acknowledged the excluded is the foundation of the cure for various ailments, like bodily discomfort, spiritual discord or common need to wade- off misfortune or a curse that will be seen to be projected by malevolent spirits. The good spirits are acknowledged and given the gratitude through sacrificial ceremonies or cleansing rituals. For instance, a person will consult a traditional healer who will facilitate the session of finding a solution or a root cause of the trouble. He or She will throw bones to constellate the wider family picture. When sangoma, or inyanga casts the bones, all of the arrangements are considered carefully, including which way image is facing, the distance between the bones, any unusual configurations in the pattern. The bones will be set to detect the presence of spirits, around the sick person, resentful ancestral spirits, offended nature or malevolent spirits. As Credo Mutwa in Zulu Shaman book, puts it well in page 26, chapter on The way of the witch doctor…`The bones also will hint at how affliction (of ill person or the one under a curse) came about. It could be breaking of taboo, careless or thoughtless actions, a natural weakening of energy,or even `soul loss’, which can be quite serious and lead to wasting illness and death’ It is believed that the person whose part of the soul is lost, and courage has to do with losing part of the soul in one’s heart, makes a person vulnerable to illness, and this can be from the effects over use of certain machines or new technologies that are not compatible with a person’s anatomy. It is very important to attend to the avoided messages in life. As in family constellations session, representatives are often correct and speaks to the truth of the story of the person seeking life direction through a constellation. Once the diagnosis is done by a traditional healer remedies will be applied depending on the solution or umhlahlo/a picture read on the consultation with the bones. Therapies can include animal sacrifices, massage, herbal teas, salves, snuffs, poultices, roots – herbs etc. As in the western and eastern medicine African diviners play the same role as spiritual leaders of ancient times and are diagnosers of illnesses or mental clutter. I notice in Khayelitsha monthly family constellations workshops where people played roles of representatives in which they were swiftly able to take their roles very seriously, some said it is as if there were seeing visions. As they fed back on their sensations and observations to the facilitator I noticed how they deeply carried authority of the knowing field as representatives. What struck me is to see group’s openness being so spontaneous and came in a natural way of life without so much input given about how F C works.

Tanja: What are your thoughts about FC having origins in SA?

Lindiwe: Family constellations will take a different morphological process because it is like the work is coming back home to its roots for strengthening and solidarity with the transformation in our society. What happened during the period Bert Hellinger was stationed in KZN lots have happened within the healing sectors here and the society that we breed today is evolving. However, some cultural patterns remains as other tendencies changes, for instance in Africa people talk of big families. As one grew up in a big family of origin the whole extensive number of relatives connects the thread that makes the one or united family. For economic reasons breadwinners or head of households have had to seek work or bread far away as the hunter gatherers of the San communities. As a patriarchal society most men were separated from the family through work in the mines etc. Mostly, women will keep the family fires and everyone protected. Years later things have changed and new language to understand the soul and the linkages to all appropriate family members to form a wider picture of the fabric of the heart of the family, poses new challenges. This one of the source of healing of the divisions for families normal functioning. Throughout, the S African history of belittling and treating African cultures as barbaric and obscure often compromised people’s respect and value of their culture, brainwashing us to think we have a culture that is second best. Now there is more empowerment that is seeking to re-accepted valuable aspects of African culture within most circles of existing organisations. Some White ancestral spirits still want to reject and fears the mysteriousness of Africaness. Family constellations work has a potential to reconcile unresolved humiliation projected to those who believe in ancestral power. Sometimes people are guarded and careful with White people incase misinterpreted or misrepresented. History tells us that to be proud of your culture or talking about it might evoke unwanted misfortune and also some pieces are referred to can be treated with insensitivity, which is hurtful and often suspected of white people. White people’s attitude of belief or disbelief in our culture has fueled so much fear and suspicion that need to be acknowledged, apologised for so we can move on in peace.

Tanja: What, do you think, has Family Constellations learnt from Zulu culture?

Lindiwe: Firstly, how the interrupted reaching out affect a person outlook in life. Secondly, how the excluded part or issues in the family & person’ life makes itself known(what ever is excluded consciously or unconsciously) the discourse or chaos represents itself as one attempt to get on with living Thirdly, dreams in Africa speaks serious messages, Credo Mutwa puts it beautifully in his book Zulu shaman, `we believe if you do act out the dream , the creative force of the soul that makes dreams recognises this, and brings you more dreams that guide you and make your life richer and more interesting. We believe that the dreams notice the fact that you notice them. It is not a good thing to ignore your dreams or treat them as if they were inconsequential or silly. I must show the dream spirit that I have received his massage and am prepared to act on it…’ Most of the time when people have crisis in life they do observe and pay serious notice of their dreams. In Zulu I grew up knowing that dreams dreams in us and the self is a vessel of them because that is the time you are in silence and able to connect with the ancestral world. Amathongo – is to sleep which is .being one with star God.

Tanja: What is the risk of doing family constellations in traditional communities?

Lindiwe: Firstly, learning to listen and observe more before engaging your own set of believes, hence repeating old colonial, missionary cultural mental infiltration. Secondly, the risk of being prescriptive

Tanja: What can Family Constellation Work in South Africa still learn?

Lindiwe: More on indigenous culture whether one believes in it or not

Tanja: What should facilitators know before they use constellations model in SA?

Lindiwe: It is important to be informed about the fabric of Safrican society today – through the races & classes that we have. Find literature that informs you about ancient African wisdom and mysteries. We also have a meeting with Western ancestral citizens who happen to land in the African soil as long as my generation as Lindiwe can remember. One should ask a question of `is there anything I am missing as a South African in how the society is reshaping itself ….and what is my contribution with the family constellations to make it happen where I live as a proud South African?’ Everyday I step out of my house to work with other people this insight sounds like a clique but true.

There is lot I would like to add and my perspectives are still finding a voice in me to articulate my role and contribution in the healing forum.

Tanja Meyburgh is a family constellations facilitator and trainer in South Africa. Lindiwe Mthembu-Salter is a counsellor and graduate from the local facilitator training.

]]> http://tanjameyburgh.co.za/a-zulu-woman%e2%80%99s-experience-of-family-constellations/feed/ 0 http://tanjameyburgh.co.za/questioning-your-questions-a-facilitators-guide/ http://tanjameyburgh.co.za/questioning-your-questions-a-facilitators-guide/#comments Tue, 18 Aug 2009 14:15:12 +0000 admin http://tanjameyburgh.co.za/?p=38 Questioning your Questions:

The Systemic Constellation Interview

Tanja Meyburgh (2007)

In the interview before a family or systems constellation, questions are not used simply to gain insight into the relationship structures and the family system, they are at the same time always interventions in that system.

For example: “how would your relationship with your partner be different if depression walked out the door?” already implies that a) there is a possibility for it to be different (opens possibilities), b) the relationship to depression can change, and c) there may be a systemic reason for depression staying (a hidden gain). Another example would be asking the miracle question or a question that shifts the client from looking at the past and the problem, to look at future or towards the solution. For example, Imagine this constellation was successful and your problem is solved, how will you realise that? What will be different? How will you benefit from it?

The purpose of an interview before a constellation is therefore:

1. To collect information

2. To build the client-facilitator field / relationship

3. Develop the contract

4. Start the intervention

The presenting issue or question is the contract between the facilitator and the client and is the permission they give you to intervene in their system. This question needs to be honored and is the red thread that guides you through the interview and the constellation.

Koenigswieser and Hillebrand (2005) give guidelines for qualitative interviews:

• Listen, ask questions and clarify when necessary. Be careful which words you use when you paraphrase. Are they the words the client used? Or are you putting in something new?

• Don’t ask leading questions

Replace questions like “and that doesn’t worry you?” with “how do you find that”? Rather than saying, “that must feel scary”, you can ask: “how was that for you?”

• Don’t give advice

Replace “you should tell him you are sorry!” with

“what do you think we should do”?

• Don’t criticize

Avoid comments like “you should not have said that!”

• Accept pauses and allow silences

Taking time to think often helps to understand better.

• Open questions or requests for information could include:

If your problem were solved, how would your life look different?

Who would notice if you changed?

If you were to draw a picture of the whole situation, what would it look like?

Questions

You will hear various opening questions from different facilitators. For example:

1. What is your issue?

2. What is your problem?

3. What is your question?

4. What would you like to do today?

You can start in any of these ways but notice the difference: 1 & 2 ask person for a description of the problem. This may give you a clear picture of the entanglement the person is in, and then you move towards questions about how they would like it to be different. 3 & 4 elicit a more future or solution orientated response from the beginning.

Before a family constellation, both open and closed questions are used. There is a delicate balance between getting the necessary information and allowing the client to feel heard and to tell their story. Too much information and character descriptions can influence the representatives but too much structure may cause valuable information to be left out. It may be helpful to explain to the group in advance why lengthy descriptions of people may not be helpful.

There are different types of questions that facilitators use:

Open-Ended Questions are those that the clients cannot easily answer

with “Yes,”, “No,” or one- or two-word responses:

• Tell me about your family?

• Is there something else you think is important?

• What would be a good outcome for you?

Open questions give the client the chance to bring in information that may be important without needing to go through the whole genogram, and it allows the facilitator to come in contact with the type of language, metaphors and words that are used to describe and name the problem. These all provide valuable information and give clues to words, statements and sentences used in the constellation by the representatives themselves and those sentences that you give to the representatives to say. Open questions ensure that the facilitator does not force their own personal worldview onto the client. They make it possible to privilege the language and knowledge of the client as an expert in their own lives

Closed-Ended Questions are those that the other can easily answer

with a “Yes,” “No,” or one- or two-word responses:

• Is there anyone who died early?

• How many brothers and sisters do you have?

• Was your father involved with somebody before he met your mother?

Circular questions give insight into the interconnectedness of the client’s system. For example:

• What do you think your partner thinks of your problem?

• What do you think your mother would say if she saw you now?

This type of questioning produces a great variety of hypothetical possibilities for transformation and generates positive expectations for future successes. These questions not only help to gain information, but they also generate information. The objective is to focus the client’s attention on the positive aspects, resources, and the development of potential.

Tomashek (2006) refers to constructivist conversations – solution oriented conversations used to help the client to develop new perspectives. The constructiveness of the facilitator’s questioning fosters the client’s awareness of the possibilities and arouses his or her resolution competency.

Questions of difference help to reframe the problem:

• How would you like it to be different?

• What would change if you found a solution to your question?

Questions can be used to understand the relational dynamics and the hidden gain of the problem:

- What are the effects on your life of this problem?

- Who benefits from this way of doing things?

- How has this pattern influenced other family members?

- If you were to solve this problem, how would it affect your future?

There is a danger as a facilitator to become tangled up in the problem of the client by focusing on the problem story. Instead of inviting them to become further immersed and isolated in their problem-saturated stories, we can try to understand their experience and ask questions rather than interpret, instruct, or more directly intervene. This is also an ethical stance. Although questions are not neutral, they are more open-ended than statements. When we genuinely listen to and value people’s responses, their ideas rather than ours, stay at the centre of the facilitation.

What are we looking for?

When we interview the client before setting up the constellation, we are looking to see if there may be a systemic entanglement or dynamic in which the problem, question or symptom makes sense. Systemically we assume that a symptom is not “wrong”, but rather an attempt for the system to maintain equilibrium and ensure its survival.

From the guidelines given by Hellinger we can form hypotheses about what might be excluded or out of order in the system and be the cause or contributing to the problem. Of particular interest therefore are those people and emotions that have been excluded, forgotten or not spoken about.

The basic orders of love summarized by Ulsamer (2003, p.48-49):

• Every member of the family belongs equally to the family, and is respected in the same way, regardless of any personal qualities or particular fate. This belonging is independent of whether they are talented, feeble-minded or ‘normal’, or whether they are handicapped or mentally ill, whether they have died at an early age or committed suicide. Everybody belongs equally.

• Whoever comes first is in first place, and the other follow in order. An older brother comes before his younger siblings. First wife comes before the second. Each person is respected equally.

• Each member of the family has their own fate, regardless of how difficult or terrible it may be in some cases. Each person has to carry his or her fate completely, with all its burdens, with every turn of events, and with all the feelings that accompany it. In addition to their individual fate, each person also has to carry personal responsibility for everything they have done in their life.

Although the facilitator keeps the basic orders in mind during the interview, he or she should maintain an open mind for various possibilities while the constellation develops. The constellation is used to test the hypothesis and will give the necessary information on where to look, rather than the constellation being used to show the client what the facilitator already knows from the interview.

It is important that the facilitator does not get seduced into going straight for the “juicy” story or the drama, but uses the client’s question or issue to lead to the entanglement where the symptom “makes sense”.

The Facilitator

As the facilitator we are in a position of power through our knowledge and can therefore easily marginalize a person’s experience by fitting them into pre-defined categories or hypotheses that we believe to be “the truth”. However, we must ask ourselves: who decided this was truth? Can we apply any particular theory to all situations, cultures, contexts and people? It is important to remain aware when working with different cultures or marginalized communities in South Africa.

Freedman and Combs (1996) come from the narrative/social constructionist position, which privileges the knowledge of the client so that they are empowered to come to their own understanding and solutions of their problems. They suggest that we ask ourselves the following questions from time to time to make sure that we don’t become prescriptive, directive, marginalising in our interviews:

• Am I listening so that I understand how this person constructs his or her own experiential reality?

• Whose language is being privileged here? Am I accepting their words, phrases, or am I offering a distinction in my own language? Why am I doing that? What are the effects of the different linguistic distinctions that are coming forth in the therapeutic conversation?

• What are the stories that support this person’s problem? Are there dominant stories that are oppressing or limiting this person’s life? What stories are being marginalized?

• Am I evaluating this person, or am I inviting her or him to evaluate a wide range of things?

• Am I situating my opinions in my personal experience? Am I being transparent about my context, my values, and my intentions so that this person can evaluate the effects of my biases?

• Am I getting caught up in pathologising or normative thinking? Am I staying away from “expert” hypotheses or theories?

White and Eptson (1990) suggest questions we ask ourselves to check who is the privileged voice in the interview:

• Does this model/theory/practice invite people to see the therapist or themselves as experts on themselves?

• Does it require the person to enter the therapist’s “expert” knowledge or does it require the therapist to enter the world of the client?

Goolishian and Andersen (1992) suggest that we work from a “not knowing” position. That we don’t ask questions for which we think we know the answers to, or ones for which we want particular answers. We need to develop a stance of curiosity rather than “leading” the client to where we think they must go.

During the course of the interview it is very easy to lead the client in a direction that is of more interest to you than to the client. This makes it important for you to recognize and acknowledge parts of your own story that may be informing what you find interesting about theirs, what parts you choose to focus on, and how you view the problem and the solution. It may be a good idea to use a supervisor if you feel that the story of the client is becoming entangled in your own story. Find a way to acknowledge and allow that part of your story to have a place in your heart without excluding it from the client-facilitator system. It is essential that you can acknowledge your own story and give it the right place, which is with you. Only then can a client-centered constellation begin.

Bibliography

Andersen, H. & Goolishan, H. (1992). The client is the expert: a not-knowing approach to therapy. In S. McNamee & K.J Gergen (Eds.), Therapy as social construction. Newbury Park, CA: Sage

Freedman, J. & Combs, G. (1996). Narrative Therapy: the social construction of preferred realities. New York: Norton & Company.

Koenigswieser, R. & Hillebrand, M. (2005). Systemic Consultancy in Organisations. Heidelberg: Carl Auer.

Tomaschek, N. (2006). Systemic Coaching: a target-oriented approach to consulting. Heidelberg: Carl-Auer

Ulsamer, B. (2003). The Art and practice of family constellations. Heidelberg: Carl-Auer.

White, M. & Eptson, D. (1990). Narrative means to therapeutic ends. New York: Norton.

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